Subscribe One or two well-clad early risers are out walking their dogs
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One or two well-clad early risers are out walking their dogs. A sharp wind has got up from the west and the water is running fast downstream Rowing with it is easy. Amid all the problems, setbacks, worries and fears, she remains the sensible champion in a sport that at times seems to gamble with its own credibility.. AT 8 o'clock on a chill winter's morning, the River Thames at Henley is barely recognisable as the blazer-and-marquee dream world of the summer Regatta There are puddles on the towpath, flooded fields beyond. Kirton and his assistant, Adrian Titcombe, the only FA staff on full-time secondment, had to appoint four centre directors, each responsible for two venues."We had an advantage over Italy's World Cup in 1990, for instance, in that we didn't have any major structural developments in things like roads, and we had the fall-back that all our grounds had to be all-seater by 1994-95 because of the Taylor Report," Kirton says "That was not the real challenge. Now the draw has been made, Kirton has to switch from broad brush to sketch in the detail. There are, for example, 1,500 volunteers to be appointed and the policing needs of each match must be determined.The first challenge four years ago came when Uefa decided on a 16-team finals for the first time.
"For a couple of months I wrote down everything I could think of, talked to everybody with the relevant experience, such as the Germans, who hosted the finals in 1988, and the Swedes, who ran the 1992 tournament, and read all the documentation."The process has not always gone smoothly or been without criticism, but gradually the items have been ticked off: ticketing, marketing, travel arrangements and, most important given the reputation of the English, security. "My mother- in-law always says when you go on holiday to make a list, so that's what I did," he says. A year later Kirton submitted it to Uefa, and in Lisbon on 6 May 1992 England was awarded the finals. Two months later, Kirton was appointed tournament director. Kirton was the FA's head of external affairs, responsible for commercial matters, public relations and international administration when it decided in the summer of 1990 to prepare a bid for Euro '96. IT IS a little like Christmas dinner: it takes hours to prepare and is all over in minutes. For Glen Kirton, the three weeks of the European Championship finals in England in June will have taken six years of his life to organise. However, the most distasteful item on the programme was a duet, recorded in 1975, sung by Jimmy Hill and the late Graham Hill.Wearing a repulsive blue pullover, Jimmy crooned: "All the girls love me, they think I'm attractive, because I'm very active", thus proving that although Terry Venables may not be the only former nightclub artist with ambitions to run English football, he is the only one who can sing..
"What do you think we've got?" McGrath inquired as they felt around Lineker was perplexed "A sheep?" he suggested. Not one you'd fancy shearing.Allan Lamb was the programme's chief smut provider, revealing a preoccupation with Paula Yates's new chest, and there was a clip of a streaker at a crown green bowling event which merited inclusion on rarity value alone. In case Coochie should be too easy to identify (bald as a coot, big moustache, body like an armoured personnel carrier), he had been kitted out with false breasts, a tall, electric-blue wig and a colossal fluffy evening gown. "There is nothing like a dame", the song goes, and Coochie certainly wasn't. Finishing a series as the winning captain was a novel experience for David, and he looked suitably perplexed.All this skulduggery had a distressing effect on the normally urbane Hancock, who got himself into a terrible mess trying to pronounce the straightforward phrase "winning the Wimbledon women's title" "Wimming the Wim. wimming the Wim," he took a deep breath, "wimming the Wim, oh hell .".
What was supposed to be a witty aside was quickly turning into an entire episode of Hancock's Half Hour.Undeterred, he ploughed on with a gag about Nigel Benn who, he said, "had achieved every sports pan's dream" no, that's not right, try again, "every sports fan's dream", great, keep going Nick, "by hitting Nigel Benn - no, not Nigel Benn, oh." Hancock's head was in his arms, and he was wishing that it was all over.In order to prevent any repetition of Lineker's wickedness when the time came to Feel The Guest, he and McGrath had their blindfolds confiscated and replaced with motorcycle helmets with taped-up visors.On reflection no doubt they were grateful for the switch, for their task was to grope Gareth "Coochie" Chilcott, late stalwart of the Bath and England rugby teams. whatever next? Breaking and entering? Extortion? Becoming the chairman of a privatised utility?Gary's misdemeanour was punished by the They Think It's All Over disciplinary committee, who handed the series instead to David Gower. More Byewatch, please, less Baywatch.After all, we don't need gratuitous sex in our cricket coverage. We got more than we needed in the Christmas special edition of They Think It's All Over. (BBC1), a more-than-usually smutty serving of the quiz best described as A Question of Sport without the trousers.Gary Lineker's team had won the first series, but in a shocking development the host, Nick Hancock, revealed that Lineker and Rory McGrath had cheated by making tiny holes in the blindfolds they wore for the Feel The Guest round.Really, Gary is going to have to go easy with this new Mr Nasty image Stealing crisps, cheating on television. Whatever the reason, it's not a pretty sight.A black mark, too, to the director of Sky's coverage of the Test match at Port Elizabeth, for over-frequent ogling of bikini-clad spectators.
What the hell, why don't I do both?" Perhaps the National Grid has discovered that many cricket fans react to the fall of a wicket by switching on the kettle for a cup of tea, and are hoping that their support will encourage the umpires to raise the finger more often. That would certainly help to explain one or two of umpire Mitchley's decisions last week.Someone should certainly have a word with Cyril about his method of signalling four runs, which seems to indicate a spell earlier in his career spent in the Wehrmacht: perhaps he has confused the National Grid with National Socialism. Another purpose of sports sponsorship is to get fans to buy more of your product. It is difficult to see how the National Grid hope to achieve this. Do they expect cricket lovers to respond to particularly impressive adjudications by consuming more electricity? "What a magnificent no-ball call by umpire Bucknor! I feel like blow-drying my hair, or pushing some carrots through the Moulinex. We used him a lot because he had pace and bowled a perfect line and length.Ian Salisbury (Sussex, leg-break bowler) Age: 25. Second to Headley in overs bowled and wickets taken (20 at 20.65) Emburey's verdict: Found bounce and rhythm.